11th
Bad mom?
Inspired by dig this chick, I will tell you about my own guilt. Not only has E fallen off H’s bed a few times, I feel she is generally neglected because of her considerably larger, more verbal and demanding sister. Today I left a screaming H with the fitness center childcare in order to selfishly swim a few laps. And then lay in the sun 10 minutes following (in total, a 25 minute absence). I know H is now old enough to handle this. I also know she will likely give up the fight 2 minutes after I leave (which she did), but I still feel like crap. Like I am planting the seeds of the psychosis that will cause her to pay lots for therapy someday. I blame Dr. Sears for some of this. But that’s another post.
I am constantly thinking about how to enrich their young lives and bring out their greatest potential while not completing giving up myself (and therefore becoming miserable) in the process. How much do I need to “entertain/play/interact” with each of them each day? How much can I expect them to play on their own? What did our mothers do with us?
And then, of course, you hear the stories that Child Protective Services deals with each day: neglect, physical and verbal abuse, malnutrition. I remembering being profoundly affected upon learning about all the rotten toddler teeth in Appalachia because of parents putting Mountain Dew (!) in their children’s bottles. While I agonize about how to sneak more vegetables into their diet.
I managed the rare magic of simultaneous naps this afternoon. And I have some other work (as most of you tend to define it: for grown-ups, demanding monetary compensation), but I am instead online reading, connecting and reflecting on motherhood. And feel guilty about that now, too.
